Vladimir Vladimirovich (vlad_impaler) wrote,
Vladimir Vladimirovich

As seasoned experts of Risk are well aware, now is the time of Autumn and Winter where we stay inside all warm and plot our strategies for the spring military campaign. Unless you're stupid and/or French.

As you also know, I am certainly not short of plots, far from it. So many "countries", so little time. I hear Sevastopol is lovely in the summer.

But enough of this for the moment. I would like to address two pernicious pieces of "news" flying about. Firstly, the rumours that I am preparing to "return" to power (hee hee) shortly and stay there for at least twelve years. I would like to make the following two statements:

1. Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin has no interest in becoming President again or taking advantage of alterations in the sacred constitution to serve as President for the next decade. He would prefer to be like Cincinnatus and rest, having done all he can for his country.

2. Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin is also willing, like Cincinnatus, to sacrifice his objections to the first statement if the fatherland Russia needs his unique powers as a saviour. Despite Vladimir Vladimirovich's great skill and wisdom, Russia's need is so great that this may take twelve years and or more.

3. Vladimir Vladimirovich does not believe that referring to yourself in 3rd person is the sign of a meglomaniacal tyrant.

4. Vladimir Vladimirovich would also like tell critics who point out that he has made 3 statements, instead of the promised 2, that he has a habit of always exceeding expectations, and if they don't like it, they can send him their complaints with a stamped addressed envelope (must apply the correct postage for the weight of 200g of polonium).

All right, second rumour scurrying rebelliously about:

In an interview with the magazine Le Nouvel Observateur, Mr Levitte said it happened after Sarkozy told Putin the world would not accept Russia toppling Georgian leader Mikhail Saakashvili and installing a puppet government.
*innocent* Would I do that?
Mr Putin stormed: ‘I am going to hang Saakashvili by the balls.’

Mr Sarkozy responded: ‘Hang him?’

Putin said: ‘Why not? The Americans hanged Saddam Hussein.’

Mr Sarkozy replied: ‘Yes, but do you want to end up like Bush?’

Mr Putin was briefly lost for words before answering: ‘Ah, you have scored a point there.’

Mr Sarkozy’s advisers said later the exchange marked the moment that Mr Sarkozy persuaded Mr Putin and President Dmitry Medvedev to begin withdrawing troops from Georgia.
Ha ha ha, sarko_le_grand. Most amusing. I do believe your recollection of our conversation might be slightly tainted due to the copious quantities of vodka-flavoured ice cream you consumed during said conversation?

I don't know what is most amusing about this. Perhaps the fact that you believed I would overturn an entire winter's plotting because you asked me so very nicely? Also, I don't see the problem you have with my expression of hanging Mischa by the balls. Have you forgotten how you are fantasizing plotting to "hang" my good friend dominiquelechic "on a butcher's hook"?

Let's talk some more about that matter, Nicolas, when we have our next discussions on Georgia and Ukraine and any other country I can see from my desk.

As for you, Dominique, let me wish you happy birthday, of course, and good luck for your work in Sofia (it's quite near to Moscow, did you know?). Does promising not to invade Bulgaria for the next five years count as a birthday present?
  • Post a new comment


    default userpic
    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.