Vladimir Vladimirovich (vlad_impaler) wrote,
Vladimir Vladimirovich

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Greetings from Beijing, where I have come to watch the Olympic Opening Ceremony with the other Presidents. Oops! This is not of course my mistake. I am simply quoting some of the western media, who wrote:

World leaders, including U.S. President George W Bush, Russian President Vladimir Putin and French President Nicolas Sarkozy, arrived in China today for the ceremony.

And as we all know, you cannot criticize Western media without being accused of trying to suppress it, so I shall graciously allow this error to stand uncorrected. Dmitri won't complain. Although he has been whining a little recently, especially when he complained that foreign visitors will be confused by my maintaining the Kremlin presidential office. I eventually conceded he had a point and so ordered the stationery cupboard in my office cleared out and pushed him inside. When foreign dignitaries wish to see him, I open the door and let him pretend it is his office.

So given my generosity, Dmitri is in no such position to make public complaints. Literally, actually, because I locked him in the cupboard before leaving for Beijing. Don't worry, I gave him enough food for the weekend, and he is trained to use the litter box already.

Not that Dmitri and I have any problems, but it has kept him out of my hair during today's fun in South Ossetia. Too many cooks, and all that... So, I suppose you are looking for some kind of justification for Russia's Rightful "Invasion" of Georgia? Such an action needs no justification. Its soul is just enough. And as we all know, all of that area rightfully belongs to Russia, and so we could not possibly have "invaded it". They may think they had independence from us back in the 1990s, but we can certainly challenge its legality using the "Our President Was Completely Stonking Pissed When He Agreed, So It Doesn't Count, So There!" Defence.

The West took advantage of beautiful maiden Russia and her drunk chaperon like a date rapist! *tries to calm down* It is difficult to maintain my composure on this. Especially when I think of the hypocrisy involved. How long have they claimed that The Province That Must Not Be Named But Begins With A C And Is Rightfully Part Of Russia deserves independence because most of its people want to leave us? And yet they ignore how every last man, woman, and cow in South Ossetia and Abkhazia want to leave Georgia and return to Russia!!!!!!!!!

But I have worse grievances with Georgia, worse than their hypocrisy over sovereignty, and the way they took advantage of Russia:

For years, Georgia has provocatively flaunted its Slavic treachery and bias towards the West. Now, one of my best qualities is my tolerance, and of course I could forgive them simply if they were quiet about their disgusting affliction, but no, they positively FLAUNT it. Take when I demanded simply that they take a tiny pro-active step to lessen their ties with America by renaming their country from Georgia to Vladia.

Even the Ukraine, which spends more time with fratboydoesgood than what is good for them, would not have and maintain such a provocative name. But Georgia refused, and now they will have what is coming to them. Comrade Wolf is tired of being humiliated by his dinner! So we will have South Ossetia back, thank you very much, along with Abkhazia.

And then maybe Vladia for dessert.
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